dopernose:

So I was in the kitchen about to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and I couldn’t get the goddamn top off the peanut butter. The bastard was super glued on there or something. People are always super gluing the tops of peanut butter jars when you want to make a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Anyway, so I was using all my strength to get that top off and the goddamn thing wouldn’t budge. I’m quite weak in the arms if you want to know the truth. Which is ironical because I used to be pretty decent at arm wrestling back in sixth grade. This one guy I used to know, Anthony Irby, would always challenge me to arm wrestling contests and I’d always beat him pretty good. He as a helluva nice guy though, not like all those other arm wrestling phonies you see walking around.

Anyway, so since I couldn’t get the top off the peanut butter the old fashioned way, what I thought I’d do was I thought I’d run it under some hot water for a bit to loosen the top up and all. As I did that I burned the hell out of my hand because I made the water too goddamn hot. I’m a bit scatterbrained if you want to know the truth. Anyway, after getting fifth degree burns on my hand I just gave up wanting a peanut butter & jelly sandwich and ate an apple instead. What a crummy world. You can never eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwich when you want one.

Last year my English teacher made a Holden blog and our homework was to blog about something that was bugging us in a Holden-y voice. I wrote about the kid who sat in front of me in algebra who never showered and always smelled like a rotting animal carcass. It was lovely.